Rich get richer – poor get poorer

http://uk.reuters.com/article/2015/07/15/uk-britain-jobs-idUKKCN0PP0QP20150715

Reading the financial articles such as the one above … I stop to wonder if the powers to be … and everyone else in general are seeing it …

It’s been stated for a while that the rich will get richer and the poor will get poorer … the divide of wealth is going to be even more imbalanced …

Policy maker’s current thinking … such as to raise IR’s to put downward pressure … to address rise in earnings … does it give thought to longer term trending impacts?

While historically monetary policies such as this seem to be do the job … but with trend of this divide … should the brains behind maths/economics/social benefits be looking at other ways to better manage this …

The arguments previously have been, stimulate the economy, promote growth and there is a bigger pie to be shared … but the pie is not being “shared” in many instances … so do those policies, ideas really work … additionally … the “thoughts” that tax revenue will increase as a nation/society gets wealthier … is that reality? … I get the “sense”, that if anything, those who have more find ways to keep more and pay less tax … could it be finding a better way to share that pie, will actually result in higher tax revenue (given most everyday people can’t get away not paying taxes – As in Meet Joe Black – you can be sure of death and taxes) ….

This Christmas

It may be opportunistic to be posting what I’m about to this time of year ….

For Christmas this year, for our family’s gift exchange, we are sponsoring a child. In Australia, it is approx $48 a month so in a year that’s $576. Divided by the three of us, that would have been roughly what we would have spent on gifts for ourselves. (I’ve specifically chosen organisations who work in DR Congo because of the war atrocities taking place there … will post more on this later).

I have seen so many posts on FB about Christmas present ideas, what to get kids, what to buy the family etc etc … and while I do appreciate and understand the “nice” feeling of opening a gift … think of how long that feeling actually lasts … what’s worse, think of all the kris kringle / secret santa $10/$20 presents bought, which are generally junk, or used only once … then put away to collect dust or given to charity shops in a few months/weeks time?

I’m all up for giving … but I guess I want to perhaps send a challenge to this generation out there, of selfies, and vanity, and “must have” looks?clothes?toys?games?cars?houses? … and ask yourself how much would you MISS one or two of those items …. and rather than receiving those (or giving those), ask for a child to be sponsored, or ask for a donation to be made to a crisis appeal … or even when giving a gift, what if you gave a receipt of a charity you gave the same amount to, as you would have spent on that novelty “item” …. I guess if I received one of those, I’d be overjoyed.

Oh, and to solve the problem of giving something they can keep, make some cookies :).

Merry Christmas.

In His name,

xo

Children are blessing/burden??

It’s not only until I had my bub, did I see/recognise how much my parents have influenced how I think and the person I had become … and how dangerous that actually is …. (the “power” we have as parents”)

For the as long as I could remember, my mother would share her views about having children with me, which were largely that children were hard work, and she would never want more than on because of the pain of child birth, that life was hard so bringing and other life into this world was going to be a struggle for both the mother and the child … just all round negative considerations of having children.

(I’d like to add here, that my mother isn’t a horrible person, and I know she did not mean to just focus on the negative as such, but that is her view. I don’t doubt she loves me very much and has no regrets about having me. Funnily, she would tell me how much she had always wanted and thought of having a family of her own, despite having those views.)

Looking back to who I was in my mid to late twenties, I remember thinking that I didn’t want children, and I vividly remember siting that life was hard, and it was simply selfish to bring a child into this world because ultimately the people that want children are doing it for their own selfish reasons (either to have a little person that carried forward a part of them, or in the Chinese tradition – someone to look after them as they got older). It’s scary enough to hear those words, but what’s scarier (for me) is that I genuinely believed it … that children were nothing but a burden on a person, and that there is no real GOOD reason why we should have a child, let alone more than one.

Whilst it’s easy to “blame” other’s for how we were raised, ultimately we are our own thinking individuals, with the ability to challenge ideas and thoughts …. although, admittedly it is much harder to challenge those ideas when you haven’t seen a different version of it (being an only child, I didn’t see what it was  like to have a child introduced into the family, and being far away from cousins etc, didn’t really get to experience any other families).

So what am I trying to say? …. I guess I’m pondering about how (or if we can) “break” such a cycle … I guess I take comfort in trusting that the source of “truth” which I am trying to life my life, and as an example/witness to my bub, is God’s law, His words, His directions, His reasons ultimately His purpose.

Children are a blessing, and a gift from God. Family’s are a blessing if He has decided that is what you will have in the short time you have on this earth before going to our forever home’s with him.

It has also made me think twice (or at least on occasions reflect) on what I am actually “showing” to my child, what will she see/hear/understand/assume from what I say, do, think and feel.

It doesn’t make it any easier though, we by nature are sinners (we are faulty to say the least), how often our thoughts/actions/words are disobedient to God, and by that I mean, not loving as he has commanded us to do.

So today I pray…. “Dear Father, I thank you for the Holy Spirit, for your Grace … because without it, we wold have no chance at all to be a different person, to change from our ways, to get closer to what is right, not just for those we love here on this earth, but for your glory. Forgive me Father, for the times I fail so miserably and hurt not only those around me, but you in my disobedience and rejection of you. Amen”

Try it

People search … but never find … because they’re seeking only what they know … or unwilling to challenge what they’re uncomfortable with … ??? … He is the truth, love and answer … try it on, what do you have to lose vs how much you have to gain. ❤

Our generation of women …

I was just about to go bed … as most of us do, we check FB updates as one of the things we do before we sleep … (yes yes, I know I know … I won’t comment on that now … ) 

There was a post where a lady was sharing/venting about her relationship (it was anonymous … ). She was describing his behaviour which in summary was unromatic, unemotionally supportive. She was sick – pregnant, with a young toddler and when she asked for husband for as she was just at her wits end, her husband dismissed her request angrily. She prefaced her post by stating that he is a good provider and a great father.

It wasn’t her post that made my get out of bed to write this … but her post combined with some of the comments she received from the other women in the group did.

… let me just say, some of them were very sensible, recommending relationship books, counselling, communication etc …  

I found it interesting that in her post, she noted that he was a good provider and a great father. In 2014 a woman with a 2 year old and pregnant again would put her as someone aged between twenty something to forty something (at the latest). She is in a first world country. I also note, she is fluent with English (the post was articulate) which would then assume she’s had opportunities for education, and opportunities to participate in the workforce … but failing that, she would have access to social security if there was a rough patch. So I found it surprising that after all the “progress” that has been made in “liberating” women, it appears that there is still an expectation that a “good” man is one who will be the provider for the family. After the initial “shock”, I guess that’s something I can grasp, cause why wouldn’t that be better than one that can’t especially since the cost of living is escalating at a ridiculous pace, and most women would prefer to care for their babies without the pressure of returning to work sooner than they’re ready to …

However, what I really struggled with, was the suggestions the post received to simply grateful that her husband wasn’t an alcoholic,  that he wasn’t a gambler, that he wasn’t on benefits, that he wasn’t abusive, that he hasn’t cheated on her … basically saying, be thankful as there are worse men out there. 

That made me slightly sick to my stomach … while I appreciate the sentiment of what they are trying to say (that is, there are, or should be, good qualities in her husband that she should value and appreciate, and perhaps focus on to provide perspective at this particular time) … suggesting that she hasn’t scraped the barrel and therefore should just deal with it doesn’t settle very well with me.

While I agree with doing whatever you can to make a marriage work … what I sense from some of the comments is almost an “old school” idea or concept that women should be thankful if a man is willing to take her, and provide and be a father. That having “that” is better than “not”.  

Perhaps, I’m a little lofty/naive … but in my opinion, man (or a woman) is only really a “good” provider, if he (or she) provides not what money can buy, but what money can’t …. and one is really only a good father (or good mother), if one recognises that the mother (or father) of his  (or her) child needs a good husband (or wife), to be the best mother (or father) she (or he) can be. 

It actually makes me a little sad, to think that some women, stay silent, stay in unhealthy circumstances, put-up with continuous pain and sadness all because they think that is better than not having a man, “a family”.

I believe there are two parts of God’s message on marriage, man shall love his wife as he would himself, wives to submit to their husbands … and ultimately a central focus of serving and bring Glory to God (not a focus on one self). Unfortunately, it appears in our generation, like so many things, we have picked the bits of the message rather than the full message. 

From God’s Grace

CC

God calling me back

I had been thinking of a post which could summarise what had happened recently in my life (well the last 5 years), but I had struggled to do so. I don’t think my heart was truly in the right place before, and whatever I would have written would be have been to serve my self rather than what I really wanted to achieve, which is the share God’s work, love, and power in my life. Today, bub had an unusually long nap, which gave me time to spend a decent time with God, listening to his word. I often use Greg Laurie (or Harvest broadcasts, as I can listen rather than read). I also use Pastor Tom from Drive time devotions. (See my earlier post on these two). I had been meaning to write to both these people to thank them for their ministry and encourage them by sharing my story. Writing to both of them, has allowed me to write down my story with the right focus, so now I am able to post it here.

God answers prayer, and always always always wants to have His children return to Him. I am so thankful for the ministry of Pastor Greg and Tom, and for the people out there committed to sharing and distributing God’s message. I am thankful every day that God loves me, and he never gave up on me …..

Comprehension

I remember in primary school, we did comprehension exercises. We would take a card and read a mini story or a paragraph. On the back, there would be multiple choice questions to check our comprehension of the reading. There were multiple levels. As we answered several of the same level correctly and consistently, we would be allowed to progress to the next level. I remembered feeling quite strange, as I was able to read the words on those cards, but for I couldn’t answer the questions (my first language wasn’t English).  I now realise the difference between reading and comprehending.

Along a similar vein, there are many bible verses which I have come across, either from Sunday school as a child, or sermons I’ve sat through, or quiet time readings or various bible studies during early years when I first came to know God (teens to early twenties).

However, it hasn’t been until this past year that those verses have made “sense”, come to mean something to me. I’m not saying that during my first encounters that those who were speaking on those verses didn’t explain things, but it just didn’t “click”.

For example, the sermon on the mount. This is obviously a popular set of verses for bible study, but it wasn’t until I listened to Drive Time Devotion  (Saddleback online audio) that it connected with me.

I guess you can read and see the words on the pages, and know what the words mean. But the true meaning to a person’s life requires more, requires God’s power to open our hearts, which in turn requires us to make the choice to truly seek him and ask him for understanding. And to do this out of a genuine reverence for Him, love and thankfulness for Him and desire to be obedient and glorify Him.

That for me, only came when I realized that I needed Him, I’m not in control, I don’t have all the answers (and neither does the secular world).

Forgiveness – is it really possible??

Can we forgive others even (and perhaps especially) when those people will never repent or show regret for their actions.

I struggle, A LOT. Why forgive them, when they don’t care for it, or need it. As a Christian who has been called back to God after many years of disobedience and straying from my relationship with Him, this is something I still struggle with despite my renewed faith.

After listening to a series of study by Greg Laurie, I think God has found a way to “explain” it to me. During the pod cast, a few things were said which “twanged” something within me (I’m paraphrasing what was said on the podcast, as I have a terrible memory):

• many of us feel that letting go is sending a message that the ‘wrong’ done against you is no big deal, that the other person is ‘off the hook’.
• we hold onto pain to validate how deeply we have been wounded.
• forgiveness sets the wounded person free. It benefits the one harmed more than the perpetrator.

It’s very much like why we are encouraged to let go of “anger”, “hatred”, just in general pain you carry from the past. From your personal well-being perspective it doesn’t do you any good. This understanding doesn’t always make forgiveness any easier, well it didn’t really for me, not in any practical way.

What did help was putting it to God through prayer, asking Him for help, to heal my pain, to forgive, to let go, to trust in Him. It is not up to me to “condemn” others for their “wrongs”. God instructs us to forgive because He knows what’s good for us.

He answers all prayers. Always. You just have to remember to also pray that He helps you receive His answer too (cause it’s not always the answer you’re expecting or in the way you’re expecting). Also, be realistic, it’s most likely going to require more than one prayer :).

It also helped me to be reminded that we are called to show grace and His love, to ALL. Our lives (choices, actions, words, thoughts) are to honour, serve and obey Him, to bring Him glory. It isn’t to pick the easy ones to do, and God never said it would be easy, but at least try with His power, peace and wisdom. It becomes a little easier and puts things in a different perspective. God knows our pain, and all the “injustices” in our lives. Hand it over to Him, to deal with, you don’t need the burden of not forgiving, there’s enough right now to focus on, be thankful for each day, and things to do to bring Him glory.

Have I achieved forgiveness of the several people I truly despised? (and until I reached my 30s I’d never actually come across any circumstance which gave me reason to hate any individual) … the answer: well sort of, the other day, I received something from one such person, and I felt my blood boil just seeing that person’s name. I wanted to throw it in the trash. I didn’t want any part of that person in my apartment, in my life. I thought I had “moved on” … later that night, I went to hide the item, and I was questioned by a family member why I had done so. At that point, I realised just how “unforgiven” that person was. I prayed, and asked Him to help. During one of my quiet times that week a particular podcast was played. It was about our purpose in life as a Christian. I felt Him “speak” to me and felt a sense of peace. When I went home, I took the item out and felt none of the previous anger. Thanks be to Him, through Him, things which seem impossible, become possible.

“Pride goes before a fall” … or massive collapse

Pride goes before a fall

Under “normal” circumstances (no children, no high court relocation application, etc) when a relationship/marriage ends, it is difficult, and the more involved and invested you are, the more difficult the ending is (to no longer be emotionally involved). However, an individual usually has the option to try and focus on the future, with some self disciple, stop looking and reminiscing about the past, to move on, and heal (or in some cases leap into another “relationship”).

In my situation, this was not an option. I had to review the entire history of our relationship for my high court relocation application. In addition to preparing for the application (which itself was a time-consuming and difficult tasks), I was caring for a new born baby while getting only 2 to 3 hours sleep each night. By the time of my separation, my bub was only four months old. Since her birth, I had been “functioning” on 3 hours or less of sleep a day. I was physically, emotionally, mentally exhausted. I was alone with no family and very few close friends in a foreign city, with no income (I was on unpaid maternity leave), no spousal maintenance, and no access to social security (due to my temporary visa status).

I would often hold back my fear, pain, and tears until I put bub to bed in the evening, then cry as quietly as I could in the bathroom or kitchen. (I was living in a studio flat, as I was not allowed to stay in the matrimonial home which my ex owned).

It was difficult to for my mind not to spiral to the multitude of upsetting memories, unhappy thoughts and possible difficult outcomes (in particular, the possibility that the my relocation application to go home is refused). It was an extremely lonely, scary and exhausting time.

Things got worse as my ex’s animosity grew. His mannerism, behaviour and attitudes become more and more hostile. I naively thought that time would help him reach acceptance, and as a result be develop a basic cordial and courteous existence, for our bub’s sake. Instead, he thought all things, which did not agree with or adhere to his time frames, plans or preferences, was a plot I had against him stemming from the “pathological hatred” he thought I held towards him in addition to my constant desire to “control him”.

When I look back at the choices I made, the attitudes I held, it’s not until now that I have been humbled, now when I have no financial means nor assets, and no control over where my future will be with my daughter, no “career” and effectively no control over my life that I realise how “arrogant” and “proud” I had been. I spent the better part of the last 10 years believing, all that I had, all my opportunities, all my assets/financial successes/investment successes/career success, all my abilities, in short all of my successes and achievements were because of “me”, because I was “in control”, because I “earned it”, because I “made it happen”. I would be impatient with those who I thought, “in my arrogance”, should have known better, or was slow to understand or perform tasks which were, “in my opinion”, straight forward, or logical or simple. So much of my attitudes, behaviour and thoughts reflected the pride I had in myself and my achievements. I developed my own “moral compass” of what was right and wrong, it was a ridiculous combination of “social trends” and the selected attractiveness of having a deity. How very foolish, now with hindsight.

My pride also led me to believe I could do everything on my own, continuously putting on a “brave” face, not wanting to appear weak to those around me. Not wanting to admit how much my life was falling apart.

Also with hindsight, I know it was my pride to that blinded me from acknowledging, what all those around me could obviously see. That my husband did not prioritise me, nor our relationship. That ultimately, he really did not care nor love me. He just wanted someone to fit into his life and was not interested in my thoughts, feelings, opinions nor goals in life. I had felt this for many years, but refused to believe, that he did not love me.

When I was younger, I got ink done to remind myself to be true to myself, to be honest and not “lie” to myself. After the last 7 years of my life, I now have a daily reminder through my beautiful bub, to give thanks for all that we have, to remember our blessings, to remember that things are possible not because we work hard but because He has makes it so. There is so much in our lives that are out of our control (almost everything really, except or ability to make choices), and it wasn’t I until I lost hold of the reigns in my life that I was humbled by how powerless I really am.