I had been thinking of a post which could summarise what had happened recently in my life (well the last 5 years), but I had struggled to do so. I don’t think my heart was truly in the right place before, and whatever I would have written would be have been to serve my self rather than what I really wanted to achieve, which is the share God’s work, love, and power in my life. Today, bub had an unusually long nap, which gave me time to spend a decent time with God, listening to his word. I often use Greg Laurie (or Harvest broadcasts, as I can listen rather than read). I also use Pastor Tom from Drive time devotions. (See my earlier post on these two). I had been meaning to write to both these people to thank them for their ministry and encourage them by sharing my story. Writing to both of them, has allowed me to write down my story with the right focus, so now I am able to post it here.
God answers prayer, and always always always wants to have His children return to Him. I am so thankful for the ministry of Pastor Greg and Tom, and for the people out there committed to sharing and distributing God’s message. I am thankful every day that God loves me, and he never gave up on me …..
I married my husband in 2010 but we were doing long distance relationship for a few years afterwards. Our relationship was extremely unhealthy and emotionally destructive. We fought every time we spoke, with constant threats of divorce. I changed from being an extremely happy and hopeful person to one who was depressed and in tears constantly, I had placed my faith and hope in my husband, my marriage and myself. I found myself rocking and holding myself in a fetal position wishing the sadness and pain would stop after each conversation.
In 2012 I made the decision to be in the UK as I didn’t want our marriage to fail and he made it clear he was not moving to Australia. Very soon after I arrived, I found out I was pregnant. I was so scared. The time during my pregnancy was extremely difficult. My loneliness compounded my depression as our marriage deteriorated further. It was not until later did I find out his family were advising him on how he should treat me to teach me lessons as I was not a wife they approved for him. Unfortunately, he took on almost all their advise, both on how to treat me and my family.
I was in tears daily, crying myself to sleep and fearing for my own health and my baby’s. Things worsened as he started physically threatening me. I was in the UK away from family and friends. I wanted to return home, but by that stage in my pregnancy, the doctors were concerned that my baby was measuring so small. I decided to stay in the UK to have the baby but I knew I had to leave the marriage. Two months after I gave birth, I left my husband, but then had to apply through the high courts for permission to return home. I had no home, no income, no family and huge legal fees for a year long court battle. My husband refused to provide any financial assistance, and due to my visa status in the UK, I could not access any public assistance. It was at that point I found “A new beginning” and “Drive time devotions” on my Daily Bible app.
I had been crying for so long, then one day I started crying to God. With a new born, and a single mother alone, I struggled to do it all, but it was as if God showed me a way that I could still hear His word, learn of His love. Greg’s and Tom’s messages were so clear to me. All the rules of what was “ok” that I had made up was made clear they were not ok. I had known Jesus since I was young. I was baptised as a teen and always thought I was a christian. Clearly, I wasn’t as I had been living a life by my rules. Spending time with God again, listening to their messages, I learnt the purpose of our lives, the grace He has shown and the love He has for us.
When I first started the high court application, I was told by my solicitors that the chances of my relocation application with my baby were not that high, so it was a miracle in my mind, that we were told in March this year we had permission to return home in May.
I am so thankful for the faithful pastors and people who have dedicated their lives to teach God’s word and finding ways to share it.
I know God loves me and His amazing Grace has saved me. I have His peace every day. It still isn’t an easy walk through life, but the knowledge of His love for me, and His power to work in us is true hope and I know I have his His strength.