When I read this devotion, then reflected about the Christians I had met … I can’t say that I thought they were “particularly” nice … they were largely polite, and were cordial … but many felt “fake”, as if they knew they were suppose to be a certain way, but lacked sincerity or genuine concern or interest. It didn’t upset me or disappoint me. I’m not blogging it to “have a whinge” … but it is just interesting the difference in experience.
I do share the missing piece feeling with Greg. I have often thought, when such and such happens, then it will “feel complete”. When I achieve this goal, the next goal then I’ll be “happy”. The feeling of happiness does come, don’t get me wrong, but then it fades, and then you set another target. And it’s not as satisfying as it seemed when the goal was originally set.
So yes, I believe the answer is a relationship with God, but what does that actually mean. I knew that answer when I was struggling in my marriage and going through those dark moments in my life, but knowing the answer didn’t change anything. I knew nothing else would actually provide peace, contentment and joy.
For me, it wasn’t until I actively asked for him and gave up control. What does that mean? Well, even though I knew during those periods, I wasn’t centered on God, I was still putting my energy and efforts into “fixing my marriage”, into “trying to please my husband”, into “figuring out on my own what I thought I should be doing”. For me, things didn’t change until I realised, things were not in my control, that I needed to open my heart to Him, listen to His direction, His purpose. Which was hard, as for a very long time, I had chosen to ignore what God’s answers to my questions were. I did use to pray, asking Him to make my ex-husband want me, want our marriage, value me, respect me. How foolish.
Now, in prayers, I ask that I hear His answers, even when they’re not what I want to hear or accept. To open my heart, my mind. To be obedient, even when sometimes, it doesn’t seem to make sense because it’s so hard, because it seems impossible to do.
When we seek Him, He will answer. But seeking, is actually a hard step when we’ve traveled down the path of thinking we know the answers.