Can we forgive others even (and perhaps especially) when those people will never repent or show regret for their actions.
I struggle, A LOT. Why forgive them, when they don’t care for it, or need it. As a Christian who has been called back to God after many years of disobedience and straying from my relationship with Him, this is something I still struggle with despite my renewed faith.
After listening to a series of study by Greg Laurie, I think God has found a way to “explain” it to me. During the pod cast, a few things were said which “twanged” something within me (I’m paraphrasing what was said on the podcast, as I have a terrible memory):
- many of us feel that letting go is sending a message that the ‘wrong’ done against you is no big deal, that the other person is ‘off the hook’.
- we hold onto pain to validate how deeply we have been wounded.
- forgiveness sets the wounded person free. It benefits the one harmed more than the perpetrator.
It’s very much like why we are encouraged to let go of “anger”, “hatred”, just in general pain you carry from the past. From your personal well-being perspective it doesn’t do you any good. This understanding doesn’t always make forgiveness any easier, well it didn’t really for me, not in any practical way.
What did help was putting it to God through prayer, asking Him for help, to heal my pain, to forgive, to let go, to trust in Him. It is not up to me to “condemn” others for their “wrongs”. God instructs us to forgive because He knows what’s good for us.
He answers all prayers. Always. You just have to remember to also pray that He helps you receive His answer too (cause it’s not always the answer you’re expecting or in the way you’re expecting). Also, be realistic, it’s most likely going to require more than one prayer :).
It also helped me to be reminded that we are called to show grace and His love, to ALL. Our lives (choices, actions, words, thoughts) are to honour, serve and obey Him, to bring Him glory. It isn’t to pick the easy ones to do, and God never said it would be easy, but at least try with His power, peace and wisdom. It becomes a little easier and puts things in a different perspective. God knows our pain, and all the “injustices” in our lives. Hand it over to Him, to deal with, you don’t need the burden of not forgiving, there’s enough right now to focus on, be thankful for each day, and things to do to bring Him glory.
Have I achieved forgiveness of the several people I truly despised? (and until I reached my 30s I’d never actually come across any circumstance which gave me reason to hate any individual) … the answer: well sort of, the other day, I received something from one such person, and I felt my blood boil just seeing that person’s name. I wanted to throw it in the trash. I didn’t want any part of that person in my apartment, in my life. I thought I had “moved on” … later that night, I went to hide the item, and I was questioned by a family member why I had done so. At that point, I realised just how “unforgiven” that person was. I prayed, and asked Him to help. During one of my quiet times that week a particular podcast was played. It was about our purpose in life as a Christian. I felt Him “speak” to me and felt a sense of peace. When I went home, I took the item out and felt none of the previous anger. Thanks be to Him, through Him, things which seem impossible, become possible.
From God's Grace 